Well, at least now I can say I applied for a job in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

I keep replaying all these scenarios in my head - what would I do if they did call back? How would I respond? The job interview. The visit. The move. What I would tell work. I can’t stop thinking about all this. And this was all BEFORE I even applied (which happened two seconds ago).  From past experience, I can say when this happens, when I constantly rehearse and plan potential scenarios in my mind, they never happen. Only time will tell now.

If everything was right - If the money was right, if the job was right, if the people were right, and the city was right - I can’t say with 100% certainty I would go.  At the same time I couldn’t allow myself not to at least apply.  I owe myself that much.  This is the number one independent music company in Canada. It’s an amazing opportunity. And I think if it weren’t for Jesse there would be no hesitation.  But I know what I’d be putting him through if I left. I feel guilty. That’s what I feel. I feel guilty and nothing has even happened yet.  It really pains me that I can’t talk to him about it. On one hand, I did send him the listing.  He told me to go for it if it’s what makes me happy. He’s always told me that if an opportunity ever presented itself I should go after it.  I’m still in my 20s. I still got time.  On the other hand I know the anxiety he’d go through if he knew I was considering it. I mean, I think he knows I’m considering it. But I don’t think he believes I’d apply.

He constantly asks me if I’m leaving him. I never understood why. I love my job. I love what I do. I’m not sure it can get any better anywhere else.

And in there lies the dilemma.  There is no guarantee I would be happy with this move.  But I think I may be tired of playing it safe.  It’s time to take a leap.

And all this I say. All this I think. And I applied two minutes ago.